A fictional conversation between San Francisco and me.
The first encounter
Me: Hi.
SF: Hi! How are you?
Me: I am okay, I had a really long flight and then there was a …
SF: Nice to finally meet you!
Me: Uh… You too.
SF: Where are you from?
Me: Germany. From Munich, more precisely.
SF: Oh that is awesome! I love Germany! I am actually a little bit German – my grandparents are from Germany and I am a big fan of the culture and work ethic!
Me: Really? Where are they from? You also speak German?
SF: No no, I don’t speak German and I don’t know where they are from originally. But I love Munich. Octoberfest! Yay!!
Me: Let’s not talk about Munich. Tell me more about you!
SF: Honey, I could talk about myself for hours but your best bet would be to take enough time to get to know and understand me. Many people already told many stories about me, I don’t want to repeat their stories. Everyone should have their own interpretation of my character.
Me: Can I tell you something? You are beautiful.
SF: Oh darling, I have the feeling we will have a wonderful time together!
A few weeks later
Me: Tell me, do you like me?
SF: Of course! You are one of us now. Young, wild and free. Let’s go to the thrift store and get costumes for Bay to Breakers. And before I forget – let’s stop by the dispensary. I want to try out the weed in which Peter Thiel invested recently.
Me: And what shall we do afterwards?
SF: We just lie in the sun and paint our faces with glitter!
3 months later
Me: Can we talk?
SF: Slowly and inconspicuously vanishes under a cover of fog…
Me: Come on, not again – you always pull this bulls***. I know it is not common here but let’s try it the northern German way: I tell you honestly what I think and we talk about it.
SF: Jesus no! Hisses like a cat. Then pauses. You want a joint?
Me: No.
SF: Oh, I recently found an innovative recipe for a Bloody Mary. Let me make you one. You will feel much better.
Me: Okay. Just one drink.
3 months later
SF: What’s wrong, my dear?
Me: Nothing…
SF: Good. Let’s go to Dolores Park and drink.
Me: No, wait. I’ll tell you what’s wrong.
SF: Gives me a Gin Tonic.
Me: Thanks. Look, I find that our conversations are becoming pretty monotonous lately. Don’t you think?
SF: What do you mean? In a very polite tone.
Me: What do you mean what do I mean? Not so polite tone.
SF: I find that we talk a lot!
Me: Yes, and always too loudly. You ever realized that everyone just talks but no one listens? Just go to any bar in the evening, you will see what I mean.
SF: Don’t be so bitchy. You are a guest here after all.
Me: You are right. I am sorry. But still, I think that our conversation topics could be spiced up a little bit. You could be more interested in art, for instance… Then we could go to a museum once in a while.
SF: Now you are being snobby.
Me: I am sorry that I am not a hipster!
SF: The girls on Tinder also don’t need museums, they prefer hiking instead.
Me: The girls on Tinder don’t even know where Europe is. Your dating standards are way too low.
SF: Be careful what you say. Those girls you are talking about have a free spirit and are real adventurers. And they know where Europe is.
Me: Whatever.
SF: By the way, I am not a hipster. I doubt that hipsters are as intelligent as I am. I got my degree from Stanford.
Me: I know you are very intelligent. Unfortunately I don’t understand you sometimes because of your intelligence.
SF: I did my PhD in Cognitive Psychology.
Me: And that is why you keep finding girls on Tinder?
SF: Well, it is the future of dating.
Me: This is not the future of dating.
SF: Don’t be so uptight.
3 months later
SF: Go Giants!! Screams and wants to climb on a lamppost.
Me: You need to be at work tomorrow.
SF: GIAAAAANTS!!! A Jagermeister please!! No, let’s make five!!!
Me: It is just baseball. Eyerolling.
A few months later
Me: … Silence. Attempt to drown the homesickness in a Bloody Mary.
SF: I see your Russian roots are flying off the handles.
Me: My Russian roots would like to go shopping. But they can’t because you are too expensive. Could you remind me why again?
SF: Because I am the most beautiful city on earth. You said that. Someone once noted: “Things are beautiful if you love them”.
Me: You imply that I love you?
SF: Of course you do. You complain about irrelevant things because you need a reason to complain. But deep down you are increasingly understanding the concept of peace.
Me: Now you sound like a hippie.
SF: I am a hippie.
SF: And now let’s go to Dolores Park and enjoy the sun.
Me: Sigh.
Me: Okay, my love.
ali falls in love 