Over the weekend I had the chance to sit down with San Francisco in a shady bar and talk about life over strong drinks. This is what I got out of our fictional conversation.
San Francisco: Honey, good to see you!
Me: We have to talk.
San Francisco: Oh. Why so serious? Let’s order drinks first, ok?
Me: So this is what happened to your rehab plans.
San Francisco: I tried… But oh dear, the festival season! Burning Man! The opening of “The Great Northern”! The Tinder dates! The rain!
Me: I feel you.
San Francisco: You know, no sane person can stay sober for too long.
Me: I get it, I get it.
San Francisco: I will try in January again.
Me: Why January?
San Francisco: One word: Corporate holiday parties.
Me: That’s three words.
San Francisco: Alcohol. That’s one word.
Me: I am glad you are doing fine.
San Francisco: What is it you wanted talk about?
Me: Ah yes. I wanted to discuss one thing with you. Hmm. How can I put it correctly… let’s talk about that shit show.
SF: The election?
Me: Yes.
San Francisco: I have nothing to do with it.
Me: You are in it too!
San Francisco: Ask my parents, it’s their fault.
Me: How can you be so chill about it? All you do is swipe, build algorithms and discuss the hottest startups.
San Francisco: Relax, honey.
Me: How can I relax? The German in me is anxiously biting on her nails, looking at what’s going on, and the Russian in me is having nightmares lately, mostly about Putin on a poor horse that has nothing to do with it.
San Francisco: I think you should drink and date more.
Me: I’m trying.
Me: Takes a big sip of the Moscow Mule. And another one.
Me: But really. Why can’t you be more politically involved? You don’t live in a bubble after all!
San Francisco: Ain’t no time for politics, dear. I am busy building the future.
Me: This is not a satisfying answer.
San Francisco: You can’t expect to be everything satisfying.
Me: Oh, since we started. Another thing I find deeply dissatisfying – why are you so goddamn expensive? Funny thing, when I was 18 I thought I would be shopping at Neiman Marcus at age 28. Now I just get extremely excited when I buy 5 new basic shirts at H&M and my landlord doesn’t get mad at me by my late rent.
San Francisco: We already had that conversation 3 years ago when you moved here.
Me: Still dissatisfying.
San Francisco: Who needs fashion anyway?
Me: Me! Me! Me!
San Francisco: All you need is a Patagonia windbreaker and hoodies. And a flower in your hair. No, strike that out – And a drone above your head.
Me: But that’s not me.
San Francisco: You are confusing me. Is this some kind identity crisis of yours? You always wanted to be part of Silicon Valley.
Me: I want to be part of it. But I am refusing to fit in.
San Francisco: Takes a big sip of the Old Fashioned.
Me: I just want to be me and do life my way. The European way, the girly way, the always-arguing-about-politics way. Not necessarily the typical Silicon Valley fail-often-break-often way. I don’t know. Just my way.
San Francisco: Look, I think you are just missing home.
Me: Maybe I am.
Me: Another sip of that strong stuff.
Me: I love you, a lot actually. But sometimes I wish that I could wake up at home and go the beergarden with my friends. Or have brunch with my family on a random weekend.
San Francisco: No one said it’s gonna be an easy ride.
Me: Talking about easy. What is it with your dating scene?
San Francisco: That was a quick change of topic.
Me: I just love talking about your dating scene. It’s so weird. And so fascinating. Have you noticed that everyone in a bar checks Tinder/Bumble/the League/Hinge/CMB but also refuses to talk to their objects of desire in real life? What happened to the good old creepy pickup line?
San Francisco: That’s what we have San Diego for.
Me: Right. Keep forgetting about your hot brother. So hot.
Me: Checks the phone if there are new Tinder messages.
Me: I should move to San Diego. Because there I wouldn’t need a heater that is always broken.
San Francisco: Your heater is broken?
Me: So many things are broken. So many.
San Francisco: Don’t dramatize.
Me: Checks the phone again for no reason. And takes another sip.
San Francisco: Honey, you need to stop doubting things.
Meanwhile a crowd of young people comes into the bar, probably all techies or entrepreneurs. They passionately discuss their app which will make it possible to make Trump disappear. Some kind of digital Bermuda Triangle.
San Francisco: Are you feeling better now?
Me: Yes, my love.
ali falls in love 